Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Movie Review: Venom (1981)


Venom (1981) - UK - Horror Thriller - Rated R
Directed by Piers Haggard
Starring Klaus Kinski, Oliver Reed, Nicol Williamson, Sarah Miles, Sterling Hayden, Susan George, Cornelia Sharpe, Lance Holcomb, Michael Gough


A suspense thriller pitting the police against a hostage for ransom situation spiced up by a deadly Black Mamba on the loose provides an entertaining and tense movie.

An international criminal and his conspirators attempt to take hostage the son of a wealthy woman in exchange for a ransom. The son has had a snake delivered, but it is discovered by a lab that the one delivered to him is a deadly Black Mamba. Tension mounts between the kidnappers even before the discovery of the mistake about the snake as one of them panics and kills a policeman setting in motion a police hostage response while the deadly snake gets loose in the home. Time is not on anybody's side.

Featuring a cast of actors whose reputations precede them in being difficult to work with, it is understandable that the director of this movie had said of his experience [paraphrased] that the snake used on set was the friendliest member of the cast. This is not necessarily a negative, aside from those who had to work with them, as there is an underlying air of tension in the movie that goes beyond the story. In a story where tension mounts, having an additional amount among the actors doesn't hurt and Kinski and Reed have an antagonistic relationship in front of the camera that makes one believe the stories of their feuding behind the scenes.

Although categorized as a horror movie, since it is advertised that way, Venom is actually a tense thriller infused with an element of scares provided by the presence of the snake. It is tense as inside the home is a deteriorating hostage situation not helped by the deteriorating relationship between the kidnappers, heightened by the presence of the police barricade and hostage negotiation that has been setup, and multiplied by the addition of a deadly Black Mamba in the household.

This is not a movie for the squeamish or those who are unsettled easily. Both due to the presence of the snake, for those who are afraid of snakes, and the already mentioned tension of the story and general atmosphere of the movie. If that doesn't bother you then you will likely be in for an entertaining time, especially if you are watching it among a friends who are screamers...that is always fun. ;)

My Rating: 4 Fingers

Monday, March 30, 2015

TV Review: Leverage - The Office Job (2011)


TV Series: Leverage (2008-2012) - USA
Episode: The Office Job (Season 4, Episode 12; Original Airdate: Dec. 4, 2011)
Directed by Jonathan Frakes
Series Regulars: Timothy Hutton, Gina Bellman, Christian Kane, Beth Riesgraf, Aldis Hodge
Guest Stars: Josh Randall, Gene Freedman, Blake Lindsley, Peter Stormare


It's Leverage meets The Office in perhaps the funniest episode of the series and one of the most entertaining.

A long time employee of the Good Cheer Greeting Card Company has been fired but smells a rat as he suspects the CEO of embezzlement and driving the company into the ground. The team goes in under the guise of efficiency consultants but find themselves in the midst of an ongoing documentary being filmed at the same time. Improvising, they use the camera crew to their advantage, but it soon becomes evident that things aren't as clear cut as a simple embezzlement as the CEO is too dimwitted to accomplish that on his on, if he's even involved, and if it's even embezzlement that is at the heart of the matter.

Leverage often has tongue in cheek moments but this one episode goes for the throat in humor. In a parody of The Office, the Leverage team takes asides from the job at hand to speak to the camera about each other providing some humorous moments. Unlike The Office, this is actually funny.

The one difference I found was the usually astute and well planned Leverage team in this is more improvisational. They roll with the punches well and everything comes out fine in the end as is always the case, but getting there has several detours for the sake of humor that the usual episode does not.

My Rating: 5 Fingers. Although I thoroughly enjoyed this episode and it had become one of my favorites, it is a different approach to both the usual assignment and on the characters themselves which some purists may find a little off-putting...but not me.

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Movie Review: Fast & Furious 5 (Fast Five) (2011)


Fast & Furious 5 (2011) - USA - Action - Rated PG-13
A.K.A. Fast Five
Directed by Justin Lin
Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson, Chris Ludacris Bridges, Gal Gadot, Sung Kang, Elsa Pataky


An upgrade to the usual unseemly goals of the characters of the previous movies is actually entertaining despite largely being a live-action cartoon.

An ex-cop and ex-con (that last part is debatable) on the run and evading the authorities end up in Rio de Janeiro where they not only run into a businessman/politician/drug dealer who is actually worse than them (I know...unbelievable), but they have a federal agent on their collective tails. They organize a heist (after all, the guy they are hitting is a major sleaze bucket) and call in the gang to assist, but not only are they facing off against greater odds and a near impossible task, but the feds are upping the heat.

I'll put it up front, I hated the first movie. Who the hell roots for highway bandits and a corrupt cop and sneers at people defending themselves from them? Well Fast Five takes it in a different direction, sort of, as this time around the gang is not so bad compared to the people they are going up against. Yes, it's a matter of apples and oranges, but not so difficult to figure out who the badder bad guys are as compared to Freddy vs Jason for example.

Fast Five is like a blend of the TV show Leverage and the previous Fast and Furious movies. The cars are still there, just not as prevalent and certainly not the main focus of the story this time. In this case it is a group of ex-cons, cons and assorted criminals taking on an even badder guy, but unlike Leverage they are the sole beneficiaries of their deeds.

Dwayne Johnson helps this movie out quite a bit as both his physical presence and determination of his character add an edge to the threats the characters face. It seems as though I can't help but comment on what a fine performance Ludacris gives in everything I see him in, and this is no exception as he really is an excellent actor. Some of the actors in this are just on vacation, some are brooding, but there are no bad performances here and several good ones including the aforementioned.

Fast Five is an over-priced live action video game filled with the same fantasy physics as a video game, but there is no pause button and that's probably what works best for it as it keeps up the pace and keeps the viewer in the story without taking any abrupt detours. It is ultimately entertaining at the least even if it is still stuck in its cartoon world of machismo.

My Rating: 3 Fingers

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Movie Review: Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)


Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003) - USA - Action - Rated PG-13
Directed by McG
Starring Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, Cameron Diaz, Bernie Mac, Demi Moore, Crispin Glover, Matt LeBlanc, Shia LeBeouf, Robert Patrick, Luke Wilson, John Cleese, John Forsythe


Cartoons have better plots and physics than this overpriced waste of acting talent.

Three women collectively known as Angels are out to find two missing silver rings which have encrypted in them the identities of every person in the federal witness protection program. They are aided by a former Angel and trusted friend of one of them, but a dark secret may put the lives of all three of them in jeopardy.

I don't normally come out and just trash a movie, but this is simply wretched!

Take whatever series or characters from TV or the movies like The A-Team, The Three Stooges, or even The Road Runner and Coyote, and this movie makes them all seem overly realistic. The effects and action in this were probably inspired by the old Speed Racer cartoons, and then taken down several levels on the plausibility scale.

What hurts this movie even more is that the main characters are barely more than stand-ins to deliver lines during action sequences, and uninteresting at any other point in the movie. Ultimately it is a cluttered mess, 106 minutes of agonizingly bad music video production values (and I'm referring to the ones from the 80s) with no real payoff for having to sit through it.

My Rating: I give it a finger! I cringe at even writing a review for this movie it is so bad. How bad is this movie? I need to write more reviews and quick just to get the stench of this crap off the front page of my blog.

If you are truly a masochist and have no self-respect, you can get this on Blu-ray, DVD or Instant Video.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Movie Review: 48 Hrs. (1982)


48 Hours (1982) - USA -  Action Comedy - Rated R
Directed by Walter Hill
Starring Nick Nolte, Eddie Murphy, Annette O'Toole, James Remar, Frank McRae, David Patrick Kelly, Sonny Landham, Brion James, Jonathan Banks, Denise Crosby, Margot Rose


A gritty blend of action and comedy that despite a weak story is raised several levels by the performances of Nolte and Murphy to make for an entertaining movie.

A convict stages an escape while on work camp detail and subsequently shoots two cops in a hotel with another cop's gun. That cop is now trying to find the killer and his partner with the help of an inmate who has been released to his custody for 48 hours. Conflicts, shoot-outs and comedy ensue as the two pursue the pair of killers and the trail of bodies they leave along the way.

48 Hours is a big screen movie that is loud and raucous. Nolte paved his way in movies to come with his portrayal of a tough talking and tough drinking cop while Eddie Murphy did the same showing that he has the chops, both dramatic and comedic, to adapt to any situation. The mix works well as though they are seemingly worlds apart they are not that different in their capabilities as actors.

The weakest part of the movie is the story itself. There really is no mystery here or in depth police procedural. In lesser hands than Nolte and Murphy this could have sputtered, but that's also a credit to its strength and what makes it what it was when it was released and what it is today, and that is Nolte and Murphy are the movie and their chemistry together hits the right notes that inspired many buddy cop movies to follow.

My Rating: 4 Fingers. I was tempted to give it 3 fingers because other than Nolte and Murphy's chemistry in this there is not much to talk about, but it is rewatchable, eminently entertaining, and the two main performances lift it above its less than stellar story.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Movie Review: Camp Cucamonga (1990)


Camp Cucamonga (1990) - USA - Comedy - TV Movie
Directed by Roger Duchowny
Starring John Ratzenberger, Chad Allen, Jennifer Aniston, Candace Cameron, Danica McKellar, Dorothy Lyman, Jaleel White, Lauren Tewes, Richard Herd, G. Gordon Liddy, Sherman Hemsley


Summer camp activities, pranks and romance with a lot of 80s and 90s up and coming stars is actually a fun movie.

The kids, middle school to high school age, are just arriving for summer camp, but not everybody is happy to be there. There will boys trying to spy on the girls, competitions, conflicts and romance among the campers and counselors. The camp, however, faces the possibility of not receiving accreditation and being shut down while one of the campers has to deal with news of her parents' divorce and running away from camp. The kids band together to help solve both situations.

Filled with stars who were either popular during the 80s and 90s stars in their prime, Camp Cucamonga had the right mix to draw an audience of the time, and still has a good mix of stars from their early days to appeal to audiences of today. A youthful Jennifer Aniston is gorgeous as a camp counselor and the daughter of the camp owner played by an appropriately accident prone John Ratzenberger. Young stars like Chad Allen who really had an incredible confidence on screen for his age, Danica McKellar and Candace Cameron provide stars who were "in" at the time and are given actual characters to work with and do an excellent job.

Unlike too many summer camp movies which come off like a collection of discarded jokes and pranks that wouldn't work anywhere else cobbled together with a weak plot solely to hold everything together, Camp Cucamonga is well developed and though it does have cheesy moments its strength is in having the comedy and drama develop from its story. The characters and stars who play them are likeable, the situations are not all that predictable, and even cheesy moments have a charm and humor to them.

My Rating: 4 Fingers. I think this will mostly appeal to tweens and teens as well adults who would find the nostalgia of value.

You can get it on DVD but presently the prices are outrageous. You can find it on YouTube to watch.

Friday, March 20, 2015

Movie Review: Waitress! (1981)


Waitress! (1981) - USA - Comedy - Rated R
Directed by Michael Herz and Lloyd Kaufman
Starring Jim Harris, Carol Drake, Carol Bevar, Renata Hickey, Hunt Block, Tony Denison, Peter Van Norden, Calvert DeForest


An early Troma comedy that tries to mix a little bit of everything in this dish and ends up with a bad tasting mess instead.

The story of three waitresses working at a sort of high class restaurant. One is an aspiring actress, one is an aspiring writer doing an article for a magazine and working as a waitress to meet people for the article, and one is the daughter of the owner of this and other restaurants who is trying to tame her wild side by having her work as a waitress. They will encounter crazy cooks and other restaurant employees including an over-the-top cowboy, a medical student working as a bartender, a casting director, and an assortment of rude, confused and abused diners.

The first 10 to 20 minutes of this movie does have some laughs, but as it progresses it becomes more muddled due to just a simply chaotic story and characters who are overly loud and overly ridiculous, I guess because the writers must have thought that was funny. I can just imagine this having been written by a group of schoolboys sitting around and thinking that a man complaining about there being a fly in his soup and pulling a pants zipper out of it or a basketball player being asked how tall he is and answering with "6 feet-" then his towel falls off as he adds "-and 11 inches" as being hilarious. Maybe to freshmen in high school at most but much of the writing, to be read as jokes, is simply that juvenile.

There are moments that are funny, and some may even find the juvenile humor funny at times too. The problem is there is so much chaos happening that laughs get drowned out by the characters on screen too easily. It's an obvious attempt at earlier Roger Corman comedies of the 70s featuring 3 to 4 women in a particular profession, this time it is waitresses, and even though it is a muddled affair it is not necessarily any worse than many of those Corman comedies were, but that's still not saying a lot.

I'm fairly certain this is not a movie Tony Denison brags about. Hunt Block, known for his roles on several soap operas including Guiding Light and As The World Turns, is way out of his element in this as he is obviously a very good actor among a sea of overacting. This movie when it was released made a deal out of Calvert DeForest being in it (he was known for his appearances on David Letterman as Larry 'Bud' Melman) even though he is in only one scene, and that's the scene with the fly in the soup joke. Peter Van Norden, a recognizable character actor, is about the only other actor of note in this movie.

My Rating: 2 Fingers. There are some funny parts to this movie, but there is too much of what is not funny, and just simply gross at times, to recommend this movie.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Download YouTube Videos

YouTube has become its own online cable network of sorts offering music videos, funny videos, podcasts and videocasts, TV shows, and even movies. Looking for an old movie that was only released on VHS and the cost of buying the tape if you can find one is prohibitive? Someone may have ripped a file from the VHS and posted it on YouTube. Even some video distributors are putting reduced resolution copies of their movies on YouTube you can watch and even buy the higher resolution version if you like it.

Watching music videos, TV shows, movies and more on YouTube is convenient for many but some people would like to do their watching offline and even on different devices than they use to surf the web. Not to mention that interruptions and poor buffering resulting in an unpleasant viewing experience can be annoying. For those people, downloading videos from YouTube would be handy, but no such option is available on YouTube. For them there are still options available to download videos from YouTube.


Browser Plugins

Many web browsers have plugins available to block ads, read rss feeds, and even to download videos from YouTube. My personal experience with one such plugin for Firefox was not pleasant. It did allow the option to download videos as Flash or MP4 files, but it removed all but the default toolbars from the browser and I could not restore them. I had to remove the plugin and do a reinstall of Firefox to get it back to where it was. That's not saying this will be your experience, but I have not dared to try the plugin since. If this option interests you, do a search using your browser name and Download YouTube Videos or YouTube Plugin.

Advantages
  • Works in your browser with no additional sites to visit.
  • Links conveniently provided when you view a YouTube video.


Disadvantages
  • May cause bugs in your browser.
  • Only gives Flash and MP4 download options.


KeepVid

KeepVid is a website that will allow you to copy and paste the url of the YouTube video you want to download and be able to download them as MP4 and some other file types as well. They used to be my standard download site but they have been buggy as of late either wanting me to update my version of Java or download and install their downloading program. Most such programs are usually advertising sponsored, though I cannot say that with confidence about theirs as I won't install such a program to my computer. If you keep your Java up to date you may not experience problems on the site. I can usually download one or two videos through them before getting a prompt to install their downloader.

Advantages
  • Easy to use with many download options.
  • May allow HD downloads.


Disadvantages
  • Not as convenient as downloading from the YouTube page.
  • May keep prompting you to install software.


You can check out the site here.


Online Video Converter

This website allows you to download and convert various files from different websites and even from your computer. You will have to select your country and the type of files you want to convert (music, video, app), then paste the YouTube url into the box and select the file extension you want to download (MP4, AVI, FLV, etc.). As you can see there are various options for the video files including the older AVI and MPEG types, which can be larger than MP4s, and mobile file types too. The service will then convert it on their server and provide a download link. An additional bonus is that sometimes someone 'stretches' the video to widescreen to claim it is HD but the service will put it in its proper ratio.

One bug I have found with this service is broken downloads. If the download is interrupted, which has happened several times for me, the download ends and you have an incomplete file. Rather than just pausing and resuming the download you will have to start over again.

Advantages
  • Many file type options to convert to.
  • Will restore correct video ratio in some cases.
  • No BS software to install or prompts to install.


Disadvantages
  • More complex than others with many choices to make.
  • Broken downloads do not resume.
  • Broken downloads will save as incomplete files.


You can check out the site here.


Search Options

Unfortunately with the rapidity that YouTube download sites make changes it makes it difficult to recommend any sites as what was once a great download option may now suck. One site I had used now limits their downloads to a max video quality of 360p without installing their downloader software.

These sites are not free to run and do require server space, a lot, for their services. They will initially offer a great service up front then start restricting that service to get you to install something on your computer to keep the service, or may even start charging.

With as popular as YouTube download sites have become, the best way to find such a site is to search the words Download YouTube Videos or Download YouTube Converter on a search engine. This way if new sites pop up then you will be able to find them. You might also add extensions like AVI or 3gp to the search words to find different sites.


I know, there aren't many options in this list. That's because as I mentioned that these sites change rapidly in what they will allow for free and your best bet is to keep searching actively when these changes occur and find new sites to download YouTube videos.

Toxic Fletch

Friday, March 13, 2015

Movie Review: Creepozoids (1987)


Creepozoids (1987) - USA - Horror SciFi - Rated R
Directed by David DeCoteau
Starring Linnea Quigley, Ken Abraham, Michael Aranda, Richard Hawkins, Ashlyn Gere (as Kim McKamy), Joi Wilson


If the characters in this post-apocalyptic movie are mankind's only chance of survival...we are all doomed!

In the future, 1998 to be exact, after nuclear war has left the earth a devastated wasteland, war still goes on. A group of deserters seeking shelter from caustic acid rain break into an abandoned building. Inside they find food, beds, running water and electricity. Though they are seemingly setup for comforts they haven't seen in years, something is in there with them, something the builders of this complex didn't want to get out.

I have tried to distill the plot from the movie and the prelude provided in the opening credits, as they differ wildly. In the prelude the earth is a blackened husk with bands of mutant nomads and survivors seeking shelter from the acid rains. In the movie, the government is intact as is the communications network of satellite uplinks, and the band of survivors are actually deserters from an unspecified war.

The 5 deserters seeking to find shelter from the approaching acid rainstorm find an abandoned building. Up front they are cautious, but finding no immediate threats they find food, explore the working computer, and shower. It doesn't take long until one of them encounters a monster with huge tusks, but nothing seemingly happens to him until the next morning at breakfast in a scene obviously inspired by the chest-burster scene in Alien, but lacking any chest bursting.

The members of the group have a clue something might be wrong. I point this out as this group is pretty clueless. The monster is often referred to as intelligent by them, but I'm afraid a 5 year old could outsmart this group. Seriously, when cornered by the monster and holding a gun it makes more sense for them to scream until the monster gets them rather than use the gun.

I had hope for this movie as initially it starts off to be pretty interesting, and even has a geek element of an old 80s computer getting lots of screen time. Unfortunately it devolves, and after the midway point it devolves quickly, to the point you're rooting for the monster if for no other reason than to prevent the characters in this movie from ever breeding.

Despite having both Linnea Quigley and Ashlyn Gere in this movie, there is only one short shower scene. So don't get your hopes up with the highly misleading poster art, the sleaze just is not there.

My Rating: 2 Fingers. It's disappointing as it started off okay and looked promising having a shower scene with Linnea Quigley, but there could have been so much more and there wasn't.

Movie Review: Hotter Than Hell (1971)


Hotter Than Hell (1971) - USA - Adult Comedy - Rated X
A.K.A. The Horny Devils
Directed by Al Mamar (Possibly a pseudonym)
Stars Ron Darby, Anna Travers, Annette Michael, Suzanne Fields, Judy Angel, John McGaughtery, Paul Dodge


Despite some good looking women, the tedious plodding, not particularly attractive men and jolting contrast from light to dark in this movie make it both a strain on the eyes and the attention span.

It seems souls going to hell are down and to increase the traffic, so to speak, Satan sends his two bumbling sons to earth to corrupt women, but as it turns out the women are the ones corrupting them.

Yes, I did have to pad my summary of the plot, as sad as that may seem. Maybe it could have gone something like 'guys with small penises and wearing funny outfits make out with women'. Admittedly that would not have been inaccurate as for a porn movie these actors are hung like infants compared to what you would expect in one. At best they are average guy next door types in size and looks, and their looks are nothing to get excited about. The girls on the other hand are quite good looking with nice bodies. So what we have here is your average no budget porn movie with unattractive guys doing hot girls. At least one part of that equation is not something one wants to watch.

In all fairness to Ron Darby he does have a good sense of humor and can be fun on screen with his personality. He has been in quite a few porn movies from the late 60s to the mid 70s while the industry was burgeoning. Unlike Ron Darby, a lot of the actresses in those early porn movies faded away quickly without even a footnote in history as to who they were.

As a porn movie, Hotter Than Hell is anything but. It has good looking women, but with such a lame plot and tedious sex scenes it would more accurately be called Boring as Hell. The early segment in hell before the boys are sent to earth is the most entertaining part, and despite being a dark scene it is well lit. Unfortunately the next scene in a white bathroom with a pale skinned woman in the tub is such a contrast in the light difference that the eyes trying to adjust so suddenly is screaming agony. With such good looking women as Anna Travers they could have done so much better. Sex scenes that move at a snail's pace combine with extreme, and I do mean EXTREME, close-up shots only add to the agony of the contrast in lighting.

My Rating: 2 Fingers, and only for some of the skin content and that's it. If you think it sounds like something that might appeal to you, I suggest putting on sunglasses just before the second scene starts.

This movie has been put out on DVD by Alpha Blue Archives and is available as a download from Something Weird Video under the title The Horny Devils.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Movie Review: The Antichrist (1974)


The Antichrist (1974) - Italy - Horror - Rated R
A.K.A. L'anticristo, Blasphemy, The Tempter
Directed by Alberto de Martino
Starring Carla Gravina, Mel Ferrer, Arthur Kennedy, Anita Strindberg


A dull exorcism movie as incoherently babbling as the possessed character in it.

That is the nicer version of what I originally wrote.

A young woman with a father fixation has been paralyzed in her legs since the age of 12 stemming from a car accident in which her mother was killed. Seeking a cure for her paralysis she has sought help from doctors, occultists, and even the church, but to no avail. Introduced to a psychiatrist/parapsychologist, having found no organic cause of her paralysis he believes her paralysis stems from an earlier trauma, not in her life but in a previous life. Unfortunately in the process of dealing with the trauma a door is opened for a demon which previously possessed her ancestor to possess her.

Opening with a scene of a mob of zealots babbling incoherently while crowding around a religious effigy in a church seeking cures for various ailments, what follows in the rest of the movie is no more coherent. The plot is basic as can be. A woman with a trauma in her past becomes possessed by a demon when trying to release that trauma. Much of the movie is dull as it drags out a plot that wouldn't fill a half hour TV show into 112 minutes. I found myself checking the remaining time left on the movie hoping...hoping...and hoping even more this torture of innocent film stock and me would be over soon.

The Antichrist is a showcase of overacting hell. If anybody in this movie needs to be exorcised of anything, that would be bad acting. Arthur Kennedy plays against type as a priest; Arthur Kennedy was not meant to play a priest. Mel Ferrer plays a caring father...I will leave it at that or else it would be cruel what I would say. Carla Gravina screams a lot, very probably wanting the hell out of this mess. Anita Strindberg at least gets naked but it is too little to save this movie.

From poor special effects that make silent movies seem like a technological improvement to confusion in characters, and filled with jumps and scenes that just don't fit with the rest of the movie and are never explained, there is enough torture to be had watching this movie to justify giving a prisoner a reprieve. As for the confusion in characters, or perhaps I missed it, there is a male character I presumed was the boyfriend of the main character because of their affection toward each other. It turns out it's her brother. Holy creepies, Batman!

Even if you like bad movies this doesn't have anything to offer as you may go into a coma waiting for something to happen.

My Rating: I give it a finger!

Monday, March 2, 2015

Portable Gaming for Geeks and Non-Geeks


To some degree we all enjoy playing games. I have run into the rare individual who swears they do not enjoy playing games; they probably spend their free time torturing small bunnies or something like that. But for the rest of us, whether we live in our parents' basements or not, getting together with friends, or those you have kidnapped for those who live in basements, and playing a game is a fun time. But some of us have small apartments or not many friends or other circumstances make it difficult to play games at home.

In school and college, students will carry around backpacks. In school it is a requirement, and of course it must be clear as privacy is a thing of the past. In college it is a choice geeks make to carry around their roleplaying manuals and such. Some of us though just carry around a shoulder bag, a small messenger bag or military bag, a fanny pack or any number of other over the shoulder or off the waist portable bags that are designed to carry essentials and not tons of geek stuff. Card decks, paperbacks, and even some magazines might fit in them, but what about games? 

Here are a few suggestions of games available that don't take up a lot a space for transporting them. Some are just smaller travel versions of a game where others are just small games.


Roleplaying

I have written an article before about the 1PG Gaming system by Deep7. It is a roleplaying system in which the core rules and character sheet fit on one page and is available in subjects including fantasy, science fiction, wild west, superheroes, disaster movies, pirates and even more.

Each gaming book is available as a PDF file which can be downloaded and printed out on your home computer, or you can order printed copies through Precis Intermedia which are just slightly larger than a comic book and you still get the PDF file as well. In each book are the basic rules, special rules for the gaming world, a character sheet with the core rules, and usually 5 or 6 adventures.

1PG games are ideal for pick-up games where you don't have characters generated or an adventure ready. Character generation literally only take a few minutes and each adventure is one page long and broken into parts to make it easy for you to set it up for players if you are gamemastering. Additionally they only require one common 6 sided die (singular for dice) to play.

If your shoulder bag is smaller than a comic book size then you can easily fold up the printed pages as each book is generally no more than 13 pages long.


Card Games

Card games are easy to carry in a purse, shoulder bag, fanny pack or other small bag. From a simple pack of playing cards you can get anywhere to specialized card games such as Uno which comes in a double pack and is still conveniently small for portability.

For regular playing cards I like a brand actually called Joker that can be bought at Big Lots stores, though other stores may carry it for all I know. Any deck will do, but the Joker brand comes with a folded up rulesheet in every deck which has the rules for several card games so rule disagreements can be settled or new games can be played.

Uno is a now classic card game that is based on the card game of Crazy 8s (Crazy 8s can be played with a regular deck of cards). Uno is a fun game that can handle up to 10 players and is great for when you have a bunch of people and don't want to leave anyone out. 2 player games are not much fun, but the more players the better it gets.

Although in a little larger package, Take Stock by Z-Man Games is a fun card game of the stock market that can be played by up to 6 players.

Monopoly Deal is a card game version of the Monopoly board game for 2 to 5 players. The object is to collect properties and it can be quite devious like its parent game.


Microgames

Back in the late 70s and early 80s there was a fad of games coming out in micro, mini, and generally more portable versions. Metagaming was the leader in regard to these games and even though it has been something like 30 years since the company folded, several of their paperback sized Microgames have been kept in print, to varying degrees, by Decision Games.

Microgames are more complex than your average family board games and card games as they were aimed at the wargaming crowd and are smaller wargames, and like chess they are for two players. They include titles like: Rommel's Panzers, tank-to-tank battles in World War 2 North Africa; Stalin's Tanks, tank-to-tank battles in World War 2 Eastern Front (Russia); and Ram Speed, ship-to-ship naval battles with biremes, triremes and other galley warships in ancient Roman and Greek times.


Dice Games

Yahtzee is a fun game and can even be played solitaire, but it is not necessary to buy the game to play it as any 5 dice and an improvised scoresheet will work, and you can find rules for the game as an old dice game called Yacht.

Another really fun dice game is Cosmic Wimpout. It does require buying a set as they are specialized dice, but it comes in a small tube that is easily portable and includes the rules. The object of the game is to score with each roll without wimping out. Of course the higher you score the harder it is to quit and you could end up losing everything on one bad roll of the dice.

Many games can be played with 5 dice. There are various game rules books available with lots of rules for simple pick-up dice games that are fast to play and don't take up a lot of space to play.


Travel Games

Many board games are available in travel versions. Some of them are just scaled down versions of the complete game while others are different games based on the parent game but with simpler rules and components to allow it to be portable.

Chess is a favorite two-player game for many and is readily available in lots of travel versions. The travel versions are the complete game in just a smaller format are are available as a folding magnetic board and pieces and even a folding checkbook style with flat magnetic pieces. This 6 3/8 inch folding set is a really nice on and inexpensive. And if you want a more regular sized set, this 9.7 inch set can be a regular chess set or a compact one for travel; both sets are magnetic.

Clue and Monopoly are available in travel versions, though with some assembly required. They are fairly complete versions of the respective game with Monopoly using a randomizer for Community Chest and Chance rather than cards. Though they are advertised as travel games they are not very car travel friendly as with so many small pieces and being non-magnetic one good bump will scatter parts and pieces everywhere.

Sorry! has been available in different travel versions that are great for car play, but compared to the full game they have been castrated to one degree or another. Usually the board and track have fewer spaces, there are fewer playing pieces (usually only 2 instead of 4) and the cards which are the most fun part of the game have been replaced with much fewer disks or a spinner. Ideal for car travel as the pieces will stay, but outside of that they don't offer much. I'd link to the games but they are apparently out of print and expensive. Check Dollar General and Family Dollar stores for them as I have seen some travel games there.


The most basic deck of cards or pair of dice can provide hours of fun for a group of people, and are very portable. The suggestions I have made take those components and others to even further levels. We don't need to play games to have fun in groups as that's what movies, dinners, orgies (kidding) and stuff like that are for. But games are fun and having a deck of cards or more handy when among friends is a great way to pass the time.


Toxic Fletch

The Sex and Blood Show Ezine

Before I had started either this blog or the Sex and Blood Show blog I had the intention of publishing an ezine of movie reviews and articles oriented toward sleaze and horror in movies. That idea got shoved back as having the Sex and Blood Show blog and this blog occupied my time and frankly filled most of my intent with the ezine.

Well, enter Blogger (Google). They are no longer going to allow blogs with "explicit" adult content (just read that as "adult content") on their service after years of being a service that did. I'm certain there are several erotica writers and others who have used their service in good faith who are going to be scrambling to save their blogs in some way. But hey, it's all about the multi-billion dollar mega-corporation and not people, right? That was sarcasm.

With my Sex and Blood Show blog coming to an end by the latter part of this month I have been putting reviews from it on this blog, minus the screencaps and edited for content so as not to violate Blogger's content guidelines. It kind of takes the steam out of reviewing any adult or adult oriented movies in the future for this blog.

Well, there is still the ezine possibility. Rather than not review some movies that may be too inappropriate for this blog, I can still review them, with screencaps, and save the reviews for an occasional collection of "reviews I can't publish online" and put it out as the Sex and Blood Show ezine.

It will be an irregular publication. Depending more on when I have enough reviews and articles to justify publishing an issue. And being that I will be putting it out as an ezine rather than putting the reviews on a blog, I won't be as responsible in the screencaps I get. Here I was being conscientious in not posting screencaps that were too explicit, and well, that's what I get for trying to be a nice guy...there won't be any being a nice guy in the ezine!

The ezine will be made available as a downloadable PDF file so it can be read on any number of free viewers. Of course the ezine will be free too as if you are interested in any of the movies I review in it there will be links you can click through to get yourself a copy. That will of course net me a few pennies while the big business end gets mucho dollars...seems fair. O.o

Like I said, I will have to get enough reviews to make it worthwhile to publish an issue of the ezine, and I don't have a regular schedule of how much sleaze I watch within any given time period, so the ezine will be available at very irregular intervals, and I will have to find online file storage for it (to be read as "free") that will allow me to host an ezine with adult content. When available, I'll post it on my Twitter page.

Toxic Fletch

Movie Review: Ice Road Terror (2011)


Ice Road Terror (2011) - USA - Horror SciFi - TV Movie
Directed by Terry Ingram
Starring Brea Grant, Ty Olsson, Dylan Neal


Charismatic actors cannot overcome an inconsistent script and weak special effects, though still a moderately entertaining movie.

Workers at a diamond mine located at the terminus of an ice road in northern Alaska plant explosives deeper than they have ever before. The explosion sets free a prehistoric creature from its slumber as it makes a meal of the mine workers. Two truckers pulling double hazardous duty hauling explosives to the mining camp and having to deal with slushy and thinning ice have a scientist along with them on her way to the camp. Encountering the creature the truckers are now being pursued along the ice road with explosives in tow and hazardous ice conditions adding to the danger.

Ice Road Terror wastes no time in getting the story moving as the creature makes an appearance within minutes as the story moves along. Ideally this should have been a good way to go with a movie but it soon becomes obvious that the setup is pretty much the story and the rest of the movie really has nowhere to go than the standard running from and fighting against a monster that really is not that impressive.

I am used to seeing some decent to impressive CGI work on SyFy movies, but the budget must have been cut on this one as what would normally be some gruesome effects takes place off-camera instead. After which some fake blood or dismembered limbs have been thrown around. The trucks are more interesting than the creature and the special effects simply come off as something an amateur or indie could have done with little to no budget.

Additionally inconsistencies in the script are at times jarring. I don't mean the flow of the script from one scene to the other, but characters who are inconsistent and not well developed and scenarios that don't really play out. One character who is a complete coward in the movie suddenly has an epiphany about himself in describing how bad he has been, though he doesn't change. And more than once the characters have a plan that is questionable whether it actually played out or not. I think it was in the script, just perhaps not in the budget.

My Rating: 2 Fingers. Despite a low rating it was entertaining enough for me, but it is not well made, lacks consistency in the script and ultimately will probably be a letdown for most, especially if you've seen a lot of SyFy movies then it is simply not going to offer as much.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Movie Review: Roman Nowicki's Fantom Kiler (1998)


In anticipation of having my other blog shut down because of Blogger saying they will now not allow adult blogs, specifically pictures and/or videos with graphic nudity (ambiguous as usual for Google I know), I am taking my reviews from The Sex and Blood Show and posting them here, minus the pics. This has been previously published by me, just edited for content so I can't be accused of using graphic, or overly graphic language.


Fantom Kiler (1998) - Poland - Sexploitation Giallo Horror - Rated X
Directed by Roman Nowicki
Starring Marek Stuhr, Eliza Borecka, Katarzyna Zelnik, Magda Szymborska, Lilian Cybulka, Piotr Sapalowski, Natasha Nowicki, Stan Blinki, Henryk Solski, Tadeusz Plotcki


A mix of Giallo and music video style packed with misogynistic sleaze has plenty to offer the viewer who's not afraid to admit they like it.

The police in a Polish town discover the mutilated body of a beautiful naked woman left in a field. It has been a year since a similarly mutilated corpse was found. While the police are still stumped as to the identity of the killer, a mysterious man dressed in a black leather overcoat, a wide-brimmed hat and with his face covered in a white fabric, much like the invisible man, goes on a killing spree of beautiful women as he strips them naked and mutilates their bodies. The only clue the police have is the women all passed through a railway station where a janitor works who has fantasies about these women who shrug off his advances. His fantasies include misogynistic murder fantasies about them as well, but has he crossed a line where fantasy and reality meet?

Fantom Kiler is purely misogynistic in its treatment of women. Of course it makes no excuses about that as up front they describe the Fantom as a misogynistic murderer. Being that it is sub-titled, as its original language is Polish and Russian, and those sub-titles compete with watching a number of naked women on screen, the sub-titles have apparently lost out and are not well read. And where they might be read, those scenes not involving naked women are few and far between and easy enough to fast forward right through them.

The reason I bring that up is because of an interesting aspect of the murders that is purely misogynistic, as the killer is described, and that is he never has sexual intercourse with any of his victims but instead mutilates them, and most notably mutilates their naked bodies in a sexual manner often involving their genitals.

Being that I said that, let's take a step back and not get confused by thinking in any way this is a deep psychological study of a misogynist psychosis. Fantom Kiler is purely and simply sleaze presented as women being stalked, stripped and murdered, and a minimal amount of a story connecting the scenes. There is more sleaze in Fantom Kiler than in any other horror movie short of being pure porn.

At its very core Fantom Kiler is not original. Giallo has been around for decades. Giallo movies were the original stalk and slash movies well before slasher movies like Friday the 13th were even a thought; those later slasher movies having their origins in Italian Giallo cinema. Giallo movies too were largely misogynistic as the victims were mostly women and in various states of undress; unlike the later equal opportunity victims in slasher flicks.

Though Fantom Kiler has its roots in Giallo with its storyline of a masked killer who stalks women, using many of the elements of Giallo with the way the killer is dressed, straight out of a Giallo movie, and creepy atmosphere in places like the woods at night and a graveyard complete with fog, Fantom Kiler ups the ante by doing away with the talkative story and gets right to the good parts, that being gobs of nudity and slashing.

Of course Fantom Kiler has been criticized for its purely misogynistic content. Like this is the first time misogyny has reared its ugly head in a movie? Hell no! Movies have been filled with sexist and misogynistic themes since the beginning of cinema, and what Fantom Kiler does is it takes the ball and runs with it.

I'm not making excuses for the movie, it is what it is, but it does deliver on sleaze and to an extreme level. And don't tell me that's not what you're watching a sleazy movie for. As a matter of fact, I'd be willing to bet that a lot of critics of Fantom Kiler have watched it through more than once, of course only for the purpose of making sure they have their notes right so they can properly denounce the movie so they don't seem like the perverts they really are.

Go back into your closets where you're hiding your skeletons.

Fantom Kiler is not going to win any awards for quality. The non-sleaze scenes, what few there are, are easily fast-forwardable without really missing anything. The editing and obvious video work are jumpy. But, it is misogynistic trash cinema of the purest form. If you like sleaze, there is more than an abundance of it to be had; but if you're afraid to admit it, then you might want to watch it only in your closet while nobody is around and then you can denounce it to everyone later even though you know you liked it.

My Rating: 3 Fingers. This is sleaze overload, and thusly entertaining for the person who enjoys such material, but if misogyny is something you'd rather avoid then this should be at the top of your list to avoid.

Movie Review: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)


Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) - USA - SciFi - Rated PG
Directed by Nicholas Meyer
Starring William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, Walter Koenig, George Takei, Nichelle Nichols, Ricardo Montalban, Kirstie Alley, Bibi Besch, Judson Scott, Merritt Butrick, Paul Winfield, Ike Eisenmann


Taking a seed from the original series, this second of Star Trek movies portrays a classic showdown between two enemies exploiting each others weaknesses in a cinematic tour de force.

15 years ago, the Captain of the Starship Enterprise stranded a would-be 20th century Napoleon on a desolate planet; punishment for his attempted takeover of the Enterprise but offering him a world to conquer and tame. The question was posited that it would be interesting to come back in a hundred years to see what this seed had spawned. During a routine scouting mission a survey team including a former member of that Enterprise crew finds themselves on that very planet by error, and their mistake opens the door for a vengeful Khan to seek vengeance on Captain Kirk, now Admiral Kirk, and anybody and everything that means anything to him.

Following the disappointing returns on Star Trek: The Motion Picture, with sets from the movie the studio overspent on still available, they decided to make a second movie, but with a eye on the budget, reusing anything they could. Firing Gene Roddenberry, the creator of Star Trek, and bringing in a producer who had never seen an episode of Star Trek (is that even possible?), they went back to the series and decided to expand on that query Spock had made about coming back and seeing what had sprung from the seed they left behind.

Going back to the series and focusing on the characters in the movie rather than the effects makes for a naturally developing story. The effects are secondary, if even that, to the conflict on the screen. Khan is as obsessed with Kirk as Ahab was with his great white whale even to the point of putting everything on the line to defeat Kirk. Kirk is facing getting older as the past comes back to haunt him. And of course Spock keeps his head logically even when having to weigh the odds of a personal sacrifice that will save the crew.

Much like the classic episode of the series, Balance of Terror, this is a showdown between two men and their ships and crew. Star Trek was at its best when challenges were to be overcome. There may not be any bizarre aliens or beings with godlike powers to face off, but that is also this movie's strength in depending on characters driving the story, rather than the story driving them.

The success of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan took Star Trek to even new levels. Originally planned to be the last of the Star Trek movies, a renewed interest due to this film resurrected the potential for other movies and even a revamped TV series which would also use the same soundtrack and even a variation of Spock's final words in the close of the movie as he utters a modified "Where No Man Has Gone Before" wrap up.

My Rating: 5 Fingers! A classic in every sense of the word.