I found this sitting around in my file folder. I had written this after a viewing of the movie Antichrist (1974), and similar The Exorcist clones from the 1970s. The one thing these clones have in common, other than being near duplicates of one another, is they are not very good, to outright wretched.
Of course they do have other things in common too. Let's say 10 of them. I made this list sort of as a mini primer on demon possession movies. Obviously I have taken liberties for the sake of having fun with it, but these 10 things are certainly inspired by the myriad clones of The Exorcist.
1) Demons are apparently hard of hearing as they have to be told repeatedly to depart before they eventually leave.
2) Demons have a telekinetic ability to throw things around a room including, but not limited to, furniture, plates, candle holders, records (CDs) and priests. I admittedly admire this ability as it looks like it would be fun.
3) Demons have an obsession with vaginas and thusly possess females and spread their legs in front of priests. Obviously they have no understanding of priests or else they would know that possessing a little boy is more likely to get interest. (Oh...that was sooo evil!)
4) Demons must have poor vision as a priest wearing a cross has no affect on them but the same priest holding the same cross out in front of them puts it withing range of the demon's sight.
5) Never, never, ever feed a demon, especially anything that is green or contains peas. Remember...feed a cold, starve a demon.
6) Demons are good housekeepers. After all, they do leave a body in better shape than it was while they were possessing it.
7) It's not that the exorcism is painful. Really. I mean, have you seen some of the guys they send to do exorcisms? You'd scream too.
8) Being possessed by a demon causes excessive gas in the subject. Hence, this explains levitation.
9) Demons have no sense of direction. When given the opportunity to run, they will run to a church or a holy site.
10) Demons like to speak Latin. Not because it represents anything significant as it is usually gibberish, just that it really pisses off priests and that makes it a fun thing to do.
And always remember...Just Say No to Demons