Movie Review: The Blood Harvest (2016)

The Blood Harvest (2016) - UK (Ireland) - Horror - Not Rated (Gore)

Written and Directed by George Clarke

Starring Robert Render, Jean Paul Van der Velde, Griffin Madill, Alan M. Crawford, Rachael Stewart, Matt McCreary, Liam Rowan, Rachael Galloway, Lisa Marks, Kenny Martin, Benjamin Reid, Courtney Lee, Peter Meehan

Reminiscent of 70s and 80s b-movie horror with a spin on the killer family that is unfortunately also reminiscent of those same movies in the poster art is better than the movie.

Someone is killing people and leaving their bodies scattered over the Northern Ireland landscape. The injuries to every body are identical as well they have been drained of blood. Is a vampire responsible, or maybe aliens? A police detective has his wild theories which don't sit well with his superiors resulting in getting him fired from the force, but that doesn't stop him from his mission to find the killer, whatever it may be.

With a look somewhere between old school AGFA "Eurocolor" film and contrasty video this succeeds in feeling like a 70s or 80s horror film, the likes from which much of its inspiration came. Springboarding from an obvious Texas Chainsaw Massacre influence and running with an unlikely leading man at the helm it proceeds to fall flat on its face. Thank goodness nobody was carrying a chainsaw at the time.

The problem with this film, I mean aside from its lack of originality, is it's filled with many too obvious plot holes. Apparently over 30 murder victims is no reason to be alarmed in Ireland, I presume by the way the movie handles it, as a pair of local cops is more than adequate to handle it. If the killer in this movie is so advanced in intelligence then why leave bodies all over the countryside instead of burying them in mass graves like any normal serial killer?

Even with the weak premise and plot holes this could have been a little better if they had a different core plot. The two lead actors do a pretty good job in carrying this and at the very least keeping an interest going. Instead the film focuses on gore and then devolves into a ridiculous explanation of everything, and even the lead actors seem to have lost interest at this point by just matter-of-factly delivering their lines or hamming it up.

To their credit the ending does have a part with some heart to it and there are post credits bloopers that show the cast in a more fun light, and some of the bumps and bruises they went through, so at least they gave it an effort. The end result of the film though is unfortunately not a reflection of their effort. For horror geeks there may be some saving grace to the references to horror movies bantered about in the film.

My Rating: 2 Fingers. That's 4 out of 10 for IMDbers.


You can buy or rent The Blood Harvest on Amazon Video

Movie Review: Beyond Repair (2017)

Beyond Repair (2017) - USA - Horror - Not Rated

Independent Short Subject - Robbie Barnes - 8 Mins

Written and Directed by Robbie Barnes

Starring Kinsley Funari, Jesse Dillon Sorrells, Ember Burns, Christopher Kyriakides, George Tutie, Robbie Barnes

Connects at the most modest level of the everyday to magnificently bring to the screen a story with the power to become an indelible fable in our collective media consciousness.

It happens billions of times a day; somebody has to go to the bathroom. When it hits and you are traveling the choices are random, and tonight's random stop for Jorah won't exactly have her flushed with excitement.

The movie starts off with a premise most any of us are familiar with, and that is traveling and having to pull over somewhere to use the bathroom. Certainly Kinsley Funari's anxious dance as she holds it in will hit home with all of us. As well what hits home is how that overwhelming feeling to go can prioritize itself over any rudimentary sense of caution.

Driving down the road, a graduation tassel hangs on the rear-view mirror as the car radio plays. This could be any one of us and a strength with Beyond Repair is that oh so common connection it sets up from the start. The viewer can certainly sympathize with the situation Jorah is in, and without knowing anything about her, her occupation, what she likes, what she doesn't like, we don't need to know any of that because the situation transcends the unfamiliar and instantly acquiesces us into a "what would I do" frame of mind.

One thing that popped into my head watching this was a segment from the film Body Bags that takes place at a service station; of course you know the protagonist is in trouble when Wes Craven himself makes an appearance. One of the problems with that film and a problem with many anthology films and TV series of the 80s, 90s, and hence who took their inspiration from The Twilight Zone was in getting the look down, but not the spirit of The Twilight Zone.

Beyond Repair has certainly captured that spirit, not in copying The Twilight Zone mind you but in knowing that it is what is at the heart of the story that is important, not the trappings of the story. In a similar way to The Twilight Zone episode The Hitch-Hiker the mechanics of how and why things happen in relation to the mundane are unimportant; it's the story and that's where Beyond Repair shines is in telling its story. Beyond Repair has the heart and soul of Twilight Zone and the new car smell of modern filmmaking.

Robbie Barnes' story and direction is intuitive with its subject and drawing the viewer into the protagonist's world to bring the viewer into sympathizing with the main character. Rather than focusing on a rationalization of the elements of the story instead those very elements become the palette from which she paints onto a cinematic canvas a picture of ghoulish deluge.

At the heart of any story is the protagonist who either draws us into the story, or puts us off of it. That responsibility ultimately rests on the shoulders of Kinsley Funari. Physically, with an adorable sweetness to her face and girl next door looks, she is an ideal choice. Ultimately though appearance is just the tip of the iceberg and the rest of that iceberg brings a real person to the screen who gives you good reason to feel for her character.

Supporting performances from Jesse Dillon Sorrells and Ember Burns add to the overall fright with Sorrells pumping a thick eeriness into the already haunting atmosphere and Burns lavishes ever so lovingly in the gruesomeness of her role. 

Do not try to rationalize the story. Rationalization is its own defense mechanism; we try to talk away the things that scare us. If you do find yourself trying to rationalize it, then it scared you more than you thought it did... or are willing to admit.

My Rating: 5 Fingers; I give it a high five!

You can find Robbie Barnes on Twitter and Facebook

Movie Review: Check Please! (2017)

Check Please! (2017) - USA - Comedy - Not Rated (Adult Humor)

Independent Short Subject - MaxiMeise Productions - 4 Mins

Directed by Chad Meisenheimer

Cinematography by Niklas Berggren

Starring Shane Ryan, Chad Meisenheimer

In space no one can hear Shane Ryan cringe but thanks to Chad Meisenheimer we can all see and enjoy it.

Adam and Steve get together at a restaurant the morning following first meeting on a blind date. Apparently things went well on the date but Steve has a revelation that just may change the way Adam looks at blind dates again.

If the premise of two men meeting at a restaurant for a love interest strikes you as a meeting midway between My Dinner with Andre and Making Love...

...think again.

Though Chad Meisenheimer has been making headway as a horror director with his ongoing trilogy of retro horror shorts, including the 80s entry Nite Nite, making its way in festivals now, and his 90s in the works project Little Girl in White, his roots have been comedy, and of course if you've ever followed him on social media you would have no doubts about this. In the midst of establishing himself as a horror director he has hearkened back to his roots as writer and director of the comedy short Check Please!

Inline with his off-the-wall and unapologetic style of humor guaranteed to get your attention, if not your ire too, Chad takes aim at a setup involving a hookup between gay men. His partner in crime... err... I mean cinema is fellow filmmaker and friend Shane Ryan (Caged Lesbos A-Go-Go, Faces of Snuff) who is no stranger to pushing the envelope in film.

With Chad directing and Niklas Berggren on board as cinematographer they keep it dynamic by changing up the shots. This is important as it's all too easy with an under four minute short to keep a camera stationary when you only have two actors sitting at a table. Constantly changing the perspective to accentuate each actor's expressions adds to the pace and allows the viewer to focus on the dialogue more while the occasional framing shot of both actors keeps the viewer in check with the setting.

I have a feeling with Shane being friends with Chad he has become a master of the facepalm and annoyed look. He plays well a reactionary sounding board for Chad's humor. And speaking of Chad, probably something you don't want to find yourself doing too often, he is buoyant in delivering his lines and I suspect relishing the opportunity to torture Shane.

If this sounds a lot like friends having fun doing a comedy skit, well that's exactly what it is and they successfully translate that to film. The story is complete and Chad has certainly filled it with his WTF juice... wait, ewww! The end result at a basic level is a good and entertaining film that benefits extra from its directing and cinematography.

My Rating: 3 Fingers Plus

Movie Review: The Watchers (2010)

The Watchers (2010) - USA - Thriller - Not Rated

Independent Short Subject - Two Man Crew Productions - 28 mins

Directed by Sy Cody White

Written by Jeff Moffitt and Sy Cody White

Starring Jeff Moffitt, Timothy J. Cox, Peter Francis Span, Kathleen Boddington, Darrin Biss, James Konczyk, Mike Sgroi

A tense, evocative psychological thriller that comes at you like a freight train even Superman can't stop.

John Porter is an accountant by day and what he does in his off time... is apparently everybody's business. Or so he thinks. Strangers lurking outside his apartment and in the streets and subway. An intruder in his home leaving notes for him, but staying just out of sight. He is being followed hour by hour, minute by minute, or so he thinks. Is he paranoid, paranoid delusional, or is he the only one seeing the truth?

With tension thicker than a London fog pumped up by claustrophobic framing and a pulse pounding soundtrack The Watchers is a heart attack inducing thriller. Not since the likes of 70s spy thrillers, Marathon Man comes to mind, do I think I've seen a film that keeps you on the edge of your seat to this degree with tension, twists and the unknown. This certainly was not the best choice of a film to watch just before planning to go to bed as the pace and tension are like a shot of adrenaline followed by a ten cup coffee chaser.

Director Sy Cody White frays your nerves with tight framing; and from someone who suffers from claustrophobia, damn you and a job well done at the same time. What White puts on a plate for you is surgical in its precision, and harrowing in its isolation. Focusing on expressions and seeming threats with only a fleeting glimpse just out of the frame has the viewer feeling the paranoia and outright fear John Porter must be feeling, while your heart is no doubt feeling like it wants to escape from your body.

Jeff Moffitt plays the main role of John Porter, as well he was co-writer of this along with director Sy Cody White. And as co-creator of this I say Jeff you are a sick and twisted man, and my congratulations on that. In his role as John Porter he evokes an increasingly stressed man whose world, and mental stability, is falling apart at his feet. As the focus is so much on his character it is to his credit this works so well as he brings John Porter fervently to cold sweat inducing life.

A secondary player in this is Timothy J. Cox as Dr. Orwell (cute). Cox plays a wonderful, not really a duality, role showing a distinction between the business side of the doctor and the leisure side. In sessions he uses his rich talent with body language, such as leaning in, reclining, and the use of his hands, to enhance his dialogue, and therefore the viewer's unconscious response, in each scene he's in. One of the many subtleties in this film which drives the mood and pace.

One of the problems with thrillers and horror movies is in having a great build-up to have a let down of a conclusion that does that not even come close to the film which preceded it. The Watchers does not suffer from this at all as the conclusion neatly wraps up this package with as much shock and awe as everything that preceded it. Not a moment is missed from beginning to end in a film that is going to slam you into a wall, but get you up to the speed of sound before it does that. The Watchers is its own experience from beginning to end that does not let up for a second, so hold onto to your heart.

My Rating: 5 Fingers; I give it a high five... as soon as I can wrench my clutching hand from my chest.